Is it a captivating tale of how the two of you met? Or is it having a friction-free marriage? Is Happily Ever After realistic? Is it unrealistic? Is it possible for everyone?
These are really important questions, to ask. For many years I thought “happily ever after” is just for fairy tales. The stories with the one time conflict resolved and then we never hear about them again. In that way, sure it’s true that that type of “happily ever after“ is just for fairy tales.
Happily Ever After for those in the messy middle of life.
For those of you somewhere in between “fairy tale bliss” and “it’s okay” is happily ever after available to you?
How does that feel?
Not in a conflict free, look-at-us-headed-back-to-Bali and our-kids-are-models-with perfect-grades, no-screen-time and no-need-for-expensive-braces sort of way.
But in a way of, the tire is flat, we have our imperfections, we aren’t sure what to do about this behavioral problem, but we are in this together. We are committed to really seeing, hearing and understanding each other.
Committed to more than physical presence and running a household together. Committed to each other’s well being, to becoming better ourselves all while accepting imperfect.
Now that’s love that makes you weak in the knees
Happily Ever After for those in abusive or neglectful relationships
Is happily ever after available for those in abusive or neglectful situations? Possible, yes with true change.
Too often the neglected and abused partner bends and molds trying everything to make it work. Too often the partner who longs for better is encouraged to continue being a victim and trying harder.
A marriage, a relationship is TWO committed people. Commitment is more than just presence, contributing the house or the financies.
If you are in an abusive relationship, please get out and get to safety. Also, get into therapy, you’ve learned a lot of harmful patterns and it takes time and support to learn healthier behaviors and thought patters.
If you are in a neglectful relationship please seek therapy with a licensed therapist.
Why I Love Ever After
If you are on my email list, then you know that Ever After is my favorite version of Cinderella. I love it because it displays values we rarely hear in Cinderella such as
- A woman who stands against injustice, at personal risk
- Uses her voice, even when she is afraid
- A man who is intrigued by an opinionated women, not intimidated by her
- A man who finds that his privilege isn’t always enough to skate through life
- A man who owns the harm his pride causes others and seeks to remedy it
- A woman who frees herself from victimization
- A man who forgives deception
- A woman who struggles with a mistake (deception) but isn’t defined by it
- A woman who doesn’t fit the mold for her desires, or society’s expectations
Making our Happily Ever After
It’s not being happy all the time. Nor is it a flawless sex life. It’s not kids that fall asleep at 8:00 precisely, never wake up when we’re being intimate.
It is life. The good, the bad, the breathtaking, the heartbreaking.
Hernando and I have been through multiple job losses, one miscarriage, six pregnancies and postpartum recoveries, leaving two churches we loved, losing friends, all of our grandparents, parents moving away, us moving away, anxiety, depression, being victim of near violent crime (while pregnant!).
We don’t feel happy all of the time, I used to really doubt if I was “cut out” for being a wife because I didn’t line up with the model I’d been taught was “the godly way.” But WOW, I am so happy I chose Hernando. I know he’s over-the-moon happy he chose me.
We’ve had some rough patches, hard times that brought us closer together, hard times I thought would kill me and unbelievable bliss (have you been to a physiological birth???? pure wild magic).
One thing we do have though thats a little modern-day-fairy-tale like is the story of how we met. We may well have been divinely brought together, but we remain perfectly matched because we choose to be.
What about you?
Assuming you are in a safe marriage, do you feel perfectly matched? Do you feel like you are living out an imperfect happily ever after?
I would love to hear your thoughts on the questions I posed at the beginning of this post.
If you are looking to go deeper in your marriage, you are both willing to grow in communication and compassion. If you are excited to get clear on your values that define you as match, to live that out proactively, we’d love to have you join our unique partner coaching container: Perfectly Matched.
I’m Stefanie and I am here for you, mama.
I had expectations of feeling purpose and fulfillment in motherhood. Instead, I experienced trauma, anxiety, depression, isolation and a crisis of faith.
Feeling like I couldn't be the mom I wanted to be to my five children, I began a journey of deconstructing and challenging everything I thought I believed. It was scary and messy. It felt like heresy! It also led to a deeper faith in Jesus, more peace, and a wholeness I didn't know was possible.
Today, I am based in Arizona where I Montessori homeschool my 5 children ages 2-10 with my husband, Hernando. I am alligned with my calling as a feminist Jesus lover and a holistic coach to help mamas who are at any point in their evolving journey of faith to reclaim a little more sparkle!
I coach women to understand and integrate their beliefs, thoughts, and emotions to create a life that offers more clarity, more peace, more joy — a life that is simply better.
I offer a unique approach to life coaching, bringing a wealth of professional expertise including: productivity, planning, massage therapy, infant bonding, fertility enhancement, birth work, postpartum support, breastfeeding support, youth and children’s ministry and Montessori education training.
If you are looking for support that acknowledges your mind, body, spirit and human need for community, I am the coach for you!
Looking for resources for Montessori Homeschooling, Fertility, Birth Preparation, Breastfeeding and Holistic Wellness? Join my wellness community and get free access to all of that including group coaching calls. Learn how by messaging me